-
- << >>
Ayda, model
Ayda, a biology graduate specializing in genetic engineering, worked for many years as a model in Iran until leaving her homeland in 2023 due to repression by the state.
She since lives in Germany.
What gave you the greatest joy in your childhood?
Ayda: When I was a child, my parents had a video camera. Back then these cameras were still huge. As a child, I dressed up in different, beautiful clothes, moving and posing in front of the camera. I had a lot of fun being the center of attention like that.
For me as a child it was just a game and for my dad and mom it was a hobby and I really enjoyed it.
What image of women was conveyed to you in kindergarten and school in Iran? Can you remember the first time you came into conflict with this image of women?
Ayda: My image of women was particularly influenced by my first teacher. For me, this teacher was the first person outside my family who acted very selflessly and did a lot for others. She gave me a lot of joy and I learned a lot from her for my life; she showed me new ways and was very close to me. What impressed me most about her was that she treated and trusted all children equally, regardless of their parents' home or background. No child was favored and as a teacher she really did not differentiate between us. But then it started with the hijab.
The older I got, the more I understood that, on the one hand, my teacher was still the special person she used to be, but on the other hand, she caused me trouble when I wore the hijab or with other personal and private matters, e.g. when I put on make-up or lipstick. As a seven-year-old girl, I knew nothing about the hijab and was never told anything about it at home. However, my teacher was the person at school who was supposed to force us to wear the hijab. She was no longer friendly and relaxed about this, but was very strict and firm. The teacher wanted from us exactly what the school administration wanted from her.
How did this »view of women« affect your own self-image and your relationship to your body?
Ayda: As I said, my teacher had a strong influence on my view of women. At the age of seven and eight, I copied some of her behaviours, for example in the way I made friends or talked about others.
However, I only adopted the positive aspects of the teacher, such as sharing things with others, being friendly and not being unpleasant. I did not interfere with private matters such as the hijab. Because I was told that I was following the wrong path or values if I rejected the hijab, I unconsciously developed feelings of guilt.
Did you have any role models as a young girl? When did first desire to model ?
Ayda: I had the desire to work as a model from a very early age. This desire was awakened by my parents when they filmed me with their video camera. I did what they liked and for this reason I always wanted to present myself in a good image.
As a teenager, however, I didn't have a good time because I had problems with the contrast between my private life, where everything was allowed, and my public life. My teacher put me under a lot of pressure. That was very hurtful and I would prefer not to remember that time at all.
At the age of 18, after graduating from high school, I went, out of curiosity, on a group pilgrimage to Mecca. In Mecca I saw that it was all nonsense. I found these ceremonies and the prayers within four walls, where you always had to bend down, disappointing and I realized that this is not what I believed in.
What was the reaction in your family and circle of friends to your desire to become a model and the repression by the state associated with this wish?
Ayda: My father always thought that his wishes and what he and I liked would remain within the family and not be made public. When I decided to pursue my desire to model professionally, there were conflicts with my parents. My parents were worried about me when I understood what is possible and what is not tolerated in Iranian society.
Most Iranian parents would like to see their children become doctors or engineers; but I wanted something else.
So at the beginning, as a model, I kept having problems with my parents, but we tried to find a solution together and deal with the legal requirements. At some point, my father was out of his wits because of my modeling job. It really wasn't easy, but ultimately he respected my decision. At first, it was very difficult for me as a model in Iran to be present for hours on end for shoots, which of course were done in secret.
I was always convinced that I to pursue this path and if I had to choose again, I would make the same choice. But my parents were always worried about me and accepted that they couldn't stop me from working as a model.
What freedom did you have as a model in Iran?
Ayda: In Iran, there is no freedom at all in the modeling profession. Many people have given up this work out of fear. There are state model agencies in Iran that work strictly according to Sharia law, but I didn't want that. I wanted to be free to choose who I worked with.
When you were a child, there was no internet or social media. How did these later change your life and how were you able to use them in Iran?
Ayda: Social media and the internet have led to very drastic changes in Iran. This change was big and dangerous at the same time. I first started with a page on Facebook and Instagram that was closed to the public, where everyone had to log in before they could see the content. I had put some photos of myself on these sites and my circle of friends included make-up artists who asked me why I didn't make my pages public.
I had no plan at first.
When I made my social media pages freely accessible to the public, I realized »wow«, this is a completely different world: people wrote to me, I received offers and new opportunities as a model. I welcomed these new opportunities and was open to working with other people as a model.
In Iran there was no support at all or people who supported or advised me in my career aspirations as a model.
What opportunities did you have as a model to circumvent the state restrictions of the Islamic regime and become known?
Ayda: The worst time for me as a model in Iran was always Ramadan. Then I had to go to the education authority (Ershad) or Secret Service (Etelaat) and was asked where I had been for the photo shoot, which other people had been there and how exactly the shoot went.
At first, out of fear, I always answered all the questions correctly, but at some point I changed my phone number so that the authorities couldn't contact and invite me so quickly. Every time I was summoned, I had to sign a statement that I wouldn't do certain things, e.g. no open dress, no showing my hair, no make-up, no body-hugging dress, etc.
The communication at the authorities was very aggressive, it was a kind of psychological terror.
Sometimes I didn't work for months because of this and it made me depressed. I closed my social media profile pages to the public again and hid and reacted more passively.
At the same time, photographers and make-up artists called me and asked where I was and when I was going to start again. I told them I was traveling or had some excuse and I felt very bad. The state authorities were very strict about hijab and always wanted to know exactly how a photoshoot was going, and that made my life very difficult.
Why did you decide to go into exile? Was there a particular event or experience?
Ayda: When I was still living in Iran, I traveled a lot for work, but I had no experience of what life abroad was really like. The hijab requirement and the big movement after the death of Jina Mahsa Amini made the situation increasingly difficult for me in Iran. I posted a video on my social media pages about the protests on the streets after the death of Jina Mahsa Amini and expressed my solidarity with the Jina Mahsa Amini movement, and this made my life in Iran very complicated.
Because I became very quiet on social media after this video, I was insulted by my followers. When I was finally abroad, I explained in a video why I had left Iran and why I had been so quiet in Iran before leaving.
It was not a free decision for me to go abroad because I had no other choice. My family decided that I would go abroad because they were afraid for my life. I wanted to live a self-determined life according to my own rules in my home country Iran; this caused my parents a lot of concern.
Have you learned anything from your past that helps you in exile and builds you up?
Ayda: In my family I learned how to solve problems or conflicts. And in my job as a model I learned a lot in difficult situations, e.g. how to behave and what I have to endure. If you really love your job, then you have to put up with a lot and show patience so that you can develop and get better.
In your eyes, where does the courage and fearlessness of the young generation in Iran in respect to the Islamic regime come from?
Ayda: Nothing ever stays the same and the young generation in Iran has evolved. The young generation is brave and no longer knows any taboos like the older generation, i.e. they are no longer easily influenced by certain rules. This difference between the generations in Iran is very important. If something is forbidden by law in Iran, then young Iranians think about this prohibition and these prohibitions do not automatically mean »no« for them. If young Iranians are not harming anyone with their behavior, why should it be forbidden?
The great pressure of the Islamic regime leads to a fearlessness among the young generation. Young Iranians want to release this pressure somewhere and look for ways out and one of these ways is not to be afraid.
I have experienced this myself; we simply wanted to see how far we could break the strict rules in Iran and what options there are. Everyone in Iran would like to have a life like the one I now have, living abroad: I can do whatever I want in front of the camera, as long as it doesn't directly harm anyone else.
How do you feel as an Iranian woman and model when Western companies present models wearing headscarves at fashion shows or in advertising campaigns and sell the headscarf as a fashion accessory?
Ayda: It is not a nice feeling when a headscarf is presented as something fashionable in the West. This does not trigger good feelings among Iranian women, because we have so many problems in Iran precisely because of the hijab. And we have tried everything to resist this piece of cloth.
I have nothing against a person who chooses the hijab for herself, but I also want to live the way I want. I reject the hijab for myself and even if there are some photos of me wearing the hijab, it's only because I had to and not because it was my choice.
What was your idea of the West, when still living in Iran and what is the reality for you now you are in exile?
Ayda: The freedom that I have in Europe corresponds to what I imagined.
Sometimes this freedom in Europe exceeds my expectations because I did not have the experience of living in a free society in Iran. I now see the reality of the many possibilities, e.g. how one can move around freely or live freely and I like that very much.
However, it was not my free choice to leave Iran, it was a sudden decision.
What are the biggest challenges for you in exile?
Ayda: The biggest obstacle for me in exile is that I can live my own life and at the same time there is a lot of competition. You have to be aware of that when you are living in the West. There are also differences in the way people treat each other. But I don't have a problem with the more direct way of communicating in the West, where people don't say things in a roundabout way like in Iran. I like it when someone criticizes me directly and, if the criticism is justified, I try to accept it and change.
I have also met very good, new people in the West and I have been able to realize my dreams.
Did you find the freedom in exile in the West that was denied to you as a woman in Iran?
Ayda: I can say for myself with certainty that I found freedom in exile and am happy to live in a country where the value of a woman is respected. In my homeland Iran, it is different. I only felt freedom in my modeling job in Iran, but many people gave up this work out of fear in Iran.
Many people in the West can't appreciate their freedom because they haven't had experiences like mine in Iran.
When you look at your reflection in the mirror, do you then recognize who you are or what you want others to see in you?
Ayda: I don't know if other people see me the way I see myself, namely that I am a modern woman with a free spirit who lives the way she wants to.
The basis on which certain thoughts and judgments are formed varies greatly from person to person, i.e. every person's opinion is always resting on this personal basis.
In the best case, others see me the way I see myself and not otherwise. I want to live my life and others should also recognize this strength.
If someone thinks or says something about me that does not correspond to my personality and how I see myself, then that says more about that person's character. For example, if a religious person sees me, it can happen that this person devalues and insults me as a woman. But if someone is more modern and a free spirit, then they do not see me negatively.
This negative or positive view always depends on the observer and has nothing to do with me, because I know who I am.
01 / 2025
<< >>
