Vera, 19 years old, from Lobaschovo, now she lives in Novoajdar

»I was born in the village Lobaschovo, which is about 100 km from Novoajdar, where I'm today.
My old village was directly on the front line. In the past our village was complete and there was a river flowing through our village. But the war divided the village and now there are two villages. One village is located on the Ukrainian side and the other part is in the occupied territories.
At that time, I visited the school in the occupied territories. I was able to attend school until the 10th grade in my village, but due to the war, I came to Novoajdar and finished 11th grade here. In my village there was no 11th grade for me anymore. My teacher there told me that Yellow Bus was coming to us. It was interesting because we learned how to make short films and they worked with children.
Yellow Bus also suggested to us that we should do a movie and the girls, who studied here with me, wrote a screenplay and we shot a little movie together. I learned first and foremost from Yellow Bus to defeat my fear, if I speak in front of a large audience and I opened up more and I'm not so shy as in the past. And it was interesting for me to take the role of a director or scriptwriter.
I don't want to talk about what I experienced personally in regard of the war.
At first, it was just interesting to know what happened in other places during the war. We went for a walk and heard the explosions in the evening or we saw the fire from the shells. In the beginning I found that exciting, but then we were affected in our village and every noise scared me. Over the time, we got used to the sounds of war.
But if there are fireworks, I always feel scared. Even today, although what happened finished five years ago. I have not used any psychological help so far.
I hardly believe that someone who has not experienced the war can understand what we have gone through. And people will not think about the war unless they have experienced the war themselves.
When I had the opportunity to visit my friends in the occupied territories, we always talked well. But now we hardly talk because they say you are on the other side and you have it nice and you can just go on living. And then it's not so pleasant for me to see and meet them. So, many contacts among each other have been lost.
I also look at news, but basically that's not so interesting. I would be interested in the news if there were any real progress. But in our country, everything is so slow and uncertain and I have little confidence that things will get better. So, that a time comes back when everything is fine. Before the war I had a far better time. I was not afraid to walk in the mornings and evenings and it rarely happened that people disappeared or that unintelligible incidents happened in the country. Today, some people in this country are even trying to profit from the war.
Many young people have gone crazy because of the war and they do everything they want. When I'm at home, I try not to go out in the evening, even though there are no soldiers here. This place is still very close to the front line. On the one hand, I'm interested in the news of what is going on in other villages, but on the other hand, my own memories come back and then I feel bad.
I just want that the war ends quickly.
Messages, that I associate with my memories in the first place, these are written messages for me because the TV news are not as believable in my eyes. When a journalist comes to us and you tell him something and they film and record it, it will be conveyed quite differently in the end when it's shown on TV.
And you ask yourself why the journalists even come to us when they are telling something different afterwards and finally the people are completely confused. People open up to a journalist and they report their wishes, but eventually something else is made from it and that is not pleasant.
I process what happened to me, first with my mother - we talk to each other like friends and I can talk to her about my experiences. But there were also moments that I do not share with anyone and that I only keep for myself. Sometimes I just want to be alone, sitting on a chair and talking to a wall.
I would like to say something more, namely the most important thing is not to be indifferent. Rather, one should help each other and support each other in any situation. I did not understand this before the war, but due to the war we are not talking to our relatives in the occupied territories, and that's very difficult for us. Our talks were not always easy even before the war, but as a result of the war, the contact has been completely lost.
Sometimes people just don't understand you. It can also be a stranger, if someone shows understanding for you and supports you in hard situations, then you feel better immediately.«

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